Call Off The Search

A high profile parliamentarian who went missing more than three weeks ago at the start of the general election campaign has been found alive and well.

'George' (not his real name) was discovered unharmed but disorientated close to a former wallpaper factory on the outskirts of London.

He claims to have no memory of how he got there although it is believed he is a victim of what has become known as 'hushing'. This is described by experts as an 'effective method of removing and/or silencing unpopular or distracting elements of a party political effort'.

It is understood that George - along with a number of other MPs, many of them women - was abducted and then forced to carry out 'repetitive and belittling' acts involving high end stationery. These included lining envelopes with coloured tissue paper, applying silver gilt to the edges of correspondence notes and hand drawing feint rule into day-per-page diaries.

Police are still unclear as to who is behind the crime but urge anyone with information to come forward.