Sunday

The acrid smell on my fingers and in my clothes is due to having burnt the popcorn in the microwave. It clearly takes some skill to really overcook food like this.

I misread the instructions and totally radiated the food into another dimension and the puffing packet was practically in flames before I doused it in water. What a depressing sight that was - a sad, soggy bag of charred snack slumped in the sink.

I'd hoped some of the contents might have been salvageable but the angry updraught of smoke blowing out from the middle of the packet stung the back of my nose and throat and coated my mouth with the taste of something like earwax. It was a goner.

A text book on the principles of non-ionising microwave radiation has been added to my Christmas wish list.